In 2018 Pornhub, a free porn website, had over 33.5 billion user visits. With an average of 207,405 videos viewed every minute, it comes as no surprise that the porn industry is thriving. However, as porn evolves, there seems to be a growing trend for fake connections and desiring unlikely goals. Thanks to the professional editing and acting, the genuineness of sex is often disguised or lost and people end up feeling inadequate or disappointed with their own or their partners performance when actually the sex is pretty good; it is the expectations of porn sex that are unrealistic.
Why doesn’t sex last as long as it does in porn films?
If you are worried that you or your partner is finishing a bit too early or you are really just a bit too tired to keep going, remind yourself that the longevity of what you see on your screen is not real. Porn actors and actresses regularly admit to filming the same scene over many hours, taking numerous breaks and editing scenes to make it look as if the sex goes on for hours. Interestingly around 75% of men orgasm in 3 mins (which is not always a bad thing!)
What about feelings and emotions?
A famous porn actress and her husband, also an actor, stated that working together can be exciting but that it is not nearly as satisfying as their own personal sex life. As is true for most couples, for sex to feel satisfying there needs to be some sort of emotional connection. However, for a lot of people, when they are watching porn they do not long for this real connection, just the physicality and this is what can lead to the emotional void when ‘real sex’ happens leaving them feeling unfulfilled. This then poses the question as to whether this can subsequently affect the way that people behave and feel long term if they see this type of behaviour frequently in films. Remember, at the end of the day, all porn stars are actors.
“Women can’t orgasm”
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex is that only men orgasm regularly. This is not true – at all. Although in porn it seems like both men and women orgasm every time, it is estimated that around 71% of women (but only 2% of men) don’t orgasm when having penetrative sex. Female fake orgasms happen in almost every porn video. This does not mean that women do not or cannot orgasm, it just often takes a different type of stimulation and sometimes a little longer to get there. There’s always the possibilities of a helpful sex toy (or hand) to help being a woman to climax when having sex.
What about foreplay and language?
Most couples sensibly include foreplay in their sex lives and on average it takes about 10 to 12 minutes for things to heat up, whereas in porn, it usually goes from 0 to 100 in a few heated seconds. Again this is not a true reflection of real life and there seems to be a general assumption that people watching porn do not want to view the warm-up act. In addition to minimal/non-existent foreplay, there can be misogynistic language and physical things like slapping that often downplays the women’s role. You could assume that the women’s only job is to please the man – a view sometimes taken up by younger viewers of both genders, which is causing significant physchological issues in many under 25s being able to actually have sex, especially in the US. Of course this is not true for all porn films, but it does seems like the majority are aimed at male pleasure which is often not a huge turn on for women.
Sex positions
Have you ever attempted to have sex with your partner like you see in porn films or rom coms? It seems like the variety of wild sex positions would require you both to be Olympic gold medal gymnasts! The truth is that it isn’t always so smooth. In reality, it’s sometimes tricky and uncoordinated, but if you’re that intimate together the best thing to do is laugh and perhaps try again………?
Body types and penis sizes
In porn, it is a fact that the men have bigger penises than your average Joe - with an average size of an erect penis of 7-9 inches. In fact, the general male populations’ average penis size is around 5.1 inches. The same is true for women, with most porn actresses having surgery-enhanced unrealistic bodies and neat vaginas. It is no wonder that more and more teenage girls and boys are trying to conform to these idealistic body types. Just remember, everyone is different and no shape or size fits all.
So, if you and your partner are attempting to spice things up, it may not be advisable to take tips from an industry that profits from fake interactions and orgasms.
How are things changing?
Social media and new sex technology have created a gateway of new opportunities to explore pleasure, addressing women’s sexual needs too. There has also been a rise in awareness campaigns around sexual wellbeing and taking control of your sexual health, including self-testing like the OraQuick HIV Self Test.
